Steen-rolling

There's so much to put about the expenses row that I told myself I wasn't going to say anything about it. I wouldn't know where to start and i'd only make myself angry. I won't comment. I won't, I won't, I won't.

Aaargh, can't leave it alone! This Anthony Steen character is just too good. His interview with Radio Four's World at One is perfect. Doesn't his voice alone make you want to punch him in the face?

My favourite bits were:

'Do you know what it's about? Jealousy. I've got a very, very large house. Some people say it looks like Balmoral.' An inspired way to get the public back on his side. Brilliant.

'We have a wretched Government here which has completely mucked up the system and caused the resignation of me and many others, because it was this Government that introduced the Freedom of Information Act and it is this Government that insisted on the things which caught me on the wrong foot.' That's right, it's entirely the fault of The Freedom Of Information Act because it allowed people to discover what he was up to. I'd like to be in a courtroom when a burglar tries that line of defence. 'It's entirely the Police's fault, your honour. They're the ones who caught me coming out of the window. If it hadn't been for them I wouldn't be here'.

'What right does the public have to interfere with my private life? None.' Fair point. After all, an Englishman's Castle is his... well, castle. We have no right to poke around in his private life. Oh, apart from the fact that OUR MONEY PAID FOR HIS FUCKING PRIVATE LIFE.

I know he's an easy target - the man's clearly an idiot. His life of privilege means that he's been able to sit in his mini-Balmoral (probably on a throne) safely detached from the realities that the rest of us mere proles have to face. Only that sort of a man would say: 'I don't know what the fuss is about,' and then be surprised that his constituents are 'absolutely beside themselves with anger'. Let's face it, only that sort of a man would name his daughter Xanthe. He's blundering through a world that he doesn't understand, relying on sheer arrogance to carry him through the shitstorm that's kicking off all around him.

Granted, the way he's been highlighted and blown up in the media does feel a little like bullying a disabled child or throwing rocks at a crippled donkey. I might even have some sort of sympathy for him if he hadn't been in a position of power and able to make important decisions that affect real people. That also goes for the rest of the politicians who are apparently suffering so much from stress and depression that a psychiatrist has been brought into the House of Commons to offer counselling. Aaaah, poor Politicians, all sad because they've been found out. Nasty public, mercilessly persecuting them just because they've been getting ripped off by the people they elected to speak for them. The politicians shouldn't have done it if they couldn't face the consequences. The cost of that psychiatrist had better not be coming out of our taxes. If it is, there'd better be free counselling for all the honest, hardworking families that are struggling to pay their mortgages and bills after losing their jobs. All those families that have been let down by the politicians who allowed the banks and big business to balls up their finances. All those families without a duck island or a moat or a second home to give them any comfort.

After Steen's interview, David Cameron said: 'One more squeak like that and he will have the whip taken away from him so fast his feet won't touch the ground.' I understand why he's angry about the comments; he's been working very hard to convince the voting public that he's a down-to-earth and practical everyman - the sort of tactic that worked so successfully for Tony Blair in 1997. Hell, he was even starting to win me over after taking quick decisive action over the expenses furore while Brown dithered and skulked, typically displaying as much leadership and dynamism as a kitten's fart.

But Sheen is exactly the sort of stereotypical Tory that Cameron's been trying so hard to make us forget about. The sort of moneyed, arrogant snob who thinks he's got a god-given right to do whatever he wants because he's firmly entrenched in the higher echelons of the establishment. The fact that people like him are still in the party should be a warning to everyone who's considering voting Conservative. I have this image of a pack of old-school Tories like Steen lurking in the shadows. No matter how genuine or sincere Cameron is, as soon as he gets elected, they'll all rush forward and take over again. Then we really will be up shit creek.